Curb your passion

I’m a passionate emotional soul. I’m so very passionate about absolutely everything, but if you’re my facebook friend you probably know that!

I want to do everything about every single injustice: I want to march, shout, write, scream, cry.
I feel deeply, I love hard and I give generously. I have no shallow relationships; I don’t know how to love on the surface or engage in small talk.
I have come to accept that this is a positive trait of mine that has often been misused. I have been hurt because I have given my all to people that I really shouldn’t have given anything to at all. This is still something that I struggle with, but I’m learning everyday to to curb my passion.

The toughest lesson I learnt in friendship and love was with a beautiful soul, that I really had no business giving my heart to. I poured my soul into her and I took on her burdens as my own, not realising that I wasn’t receiving anything from this relationship in return. And as we all know, constant withdrawal without a deposit leads to debt. I was living in emotional debt. When the time came for me to make a withdrawal from this relationship, there was nothing there for me.

This is not the only relationship that hurt me so badly, so I have adopted a few habits that I will encourage you to practice if - like me - you suffer from the large heart syndrome.

My number one tip: Be Honest

After this friendship heartbreak I took an inventory of the relationships around me. I needed to be honest with the people that I love and let them know exactly how I feel. So I did just that. “I love you. I need you to know that what I give to you is love. I don’t know how to give you less than what I give. When you need me I will be there. When you cry I will cry with you. When you laugh I’ll be there too. This is my heart”. This opened me up, I was vulnerable, saying I love you is never easy! But now we all know where we stand. They know exactly what they will get with my friendship.

Be realistic

This is true for any goal in life! Because of the kind of friendship I offer, I know I can only have a few friends. I’m a limited resource, and I cannot offer this type of relationship to everyone without burning out; so I limit the amount of people in my inner circle. Know who is in your intimate circle, the people you would drop everything for. Also beware: just because you’ve placed someone in your inner circle, doesn’t mean that they’ve placed you in theirs! Which leads me to point 3...

Know your audience

Remember the circle of intimacy? No? Here’s a reminder:

It’s all about creating boundaries and protecting yourself by being aware of where people fall within these circles. It’s important to realise that not everyone is here for you, and that’s ok. Some people are attracted to you because of what you have to offer; some people are attracted to the journey that you’re on, and few will be attracted to you personally. Decipher the difference and commit yourself accordingly. As obvious as it may sound, you cannot give the same commitment to Susan, who you’ve just met, as you would give to your best friend Sarah. The likelihood is that in such an instance, your kindness will be abused!

In my post Fences make good neighbours, I talk about how I learnt to create healthy boundaries, because as a person who leads with the heart; I find this very hard indeed!

I’ve finally come to a point in my life where I am comfortable enough in myself - who I am and how I am - that I am able to tell people from the onset what they can expect to get if they become friends with me. It’s liberating because I am able to finally be my true self without fear of intentional pain or judgement!

What’s been your biggest personal obstacle in revealing your true self?