Curb your passion


I’m a passionate emotional soul. I’m so very passionate about absolutely everything, but if you’re my facebook friend you probably know that!
I want to do everything about every single injustice: I want to march, shout, write, scream, cry.
I feel deeply, I love hard and I give generously. I have no shallow relationships; I don’t know how to love on the surface or engage in small talk.
I have come to accept that this is a positive trait of mine that has often been misused. I have been hurt because I have given my all to people that I really shouldn’t have given anything to at all. This is still something that I struggle with, but I’m learning everyday to to curb my passion.


The toughest lesson I learnt in friendship and love was with a beautiful soul, that I really had no business giving my heart to. I poured my soul into her and I took on her burdens as my own, not realising that I wasn’t receiving anything from this relationship in return. And as we all know, constant withdrawal without a deposit leads to debt. I was living in emotional debt. When the time came for me to make a withdrawal from this relationship, there was nothing there for me.


This is not the only relationship that hurt me so badly, so I have adopted a few habits that I will encourage you to practice if - like me - you suffer from the large heart syndrome.

My number one tip: Be Honest

After this friendship heartbreak I took an inventory of the relationships around me. I needed to be honest with the people that I love and let them know exactly how I feel. So I did just that. “I love you. I need you to know that what I give to you is love. I don’t know how to give you less than what I give. When you need me I will be there. When you cry I will cry with you. When you laugh I’ll be there too. This is my heart”. This opened me up, I was vulnerable, saying I love you is never easy! But now we all know where we stand. They know exactly what they will get with my friendship.

Be realistic

This is true for any goal in life! Because of the kind of friendship I offer, I know I can only have a few friends. I’m a limited resource, and I cannot offer this type of relationship to everyone without burning out; so I limit the amount of people in my inner circle. Know who is in your intimate circle, the people you would drop everything for. Also beware: just because you’ve placed someone in your inner circle, doesn’t mean that they’ve placed you in theirs! Which leads me to point 3...


Know your audience

Remember the circle of intimacy? No? Here’s a reminder:
It’s all about creating boundaries and protecting yourself by being aware of where people fall within these circles. It’s important to realise that not everyone is here for you, and that’s ok. Some people are attracted to you because of what you have to offer; some people are attracted to the journey that you’re on, and few will be attracted to you personally. Decipher the difference and commit yourself accordingly. As obvious as it may sound, you cannot give the same commitment to Susan, who you’ve just met, as you would give to your best friend Sarah. The likelihood is that in such an instance, your kindness will be abused!
In my post Fences make good neighbours, I talk about how I learnt to create healthy boundaries, because as a person who leads with the heart; I find this very hard indeed!

I’ve finally come to a point in my life where I am comfortable enough in myself - who I am and how I am - that I am able to tell people from the onset what they can expect to get if they become friends with me. It’s liberating because I am able to finally be my true self without fear of intentional pain or judgement!

What’s been your biggest personal obstacle in revealing your true self?

Fences make good neighbours




Drawing your boundaries and making them clear
I’m a sensitive soul. I cry easily (behind closed doors where nobody can see or judge me!); I wear my heart on my sleeve and I feel absolutely everything. So it’s probably no surprise that I’ve had the problem of being a people pleaser. I bear the burden of  wanting everyone around me to be happy all the time, and I will work very hard to make sure that conflict does not rise to the surface.
All that was working out ok for me till I met my now husband, who is the direct opposite of me! My husband has been known to provoke others and instigate arguments; he literally goes looking for conflict! And initially that scared the skin off my bones, but then I learnt that we must balance each other out.
I’ve always known that setting clear boundaries is a crucial part of every healthy relationship. But when it comes to applying what I know in my head to real life situations, the struggle is real yo! Nothing made this clearer than getting married and having to sever ties and limit the amount of access people have to my life. So here are the 3 top tips I learnt along the way. I hope they help you set your boundaries and make them clear.

Partnership

Like any other life-changing venture, the right partnership will determine your success. Create an intimate circle of people who you can be open and honest with. For me, my husband has been the only person I can be completely “naked” in front of, and in return he’s helped me see the flaws in my character. By being open and honest with each other, we’ve been able to sharpen each other and balance each other out. He will let me know when I’m being “wishy washy” and I will point out when he’s being much too blunt! We are accountable to each other. Find someone who will hold you accountable, who has your best interest at heart and whose opinion you respect.


No is a complete sentence

Learn to say no unapologetically. Practice saying “no”. Say it out loud, say it to the mirror, say it at every opportunity; train yourself! Get used to the word coming out of your mouth effortlessly. The next time someone asks you to do something that you either don’t want to do or can’t do; allow the first word you say to be “no”. Do not offer an excuse, or a reason: just say no. It get’s much easier after the first few times I promise! But learning to exercise this muscle will help you determine exactly what fits into your lifestyle.

Embrace your lifestyle

For us, we’ve had to repeatedly make it clear that we are champions of positive living and unashamedly so! This means that we’ve had to make some very difficult decisions about what we allow into our home and hearts; and that includes family members. I am convinced that choosing to see and speak positivity regarding even the darkest circumstance will yield a positive result, after all it’s all about perspective. So even when my friends and family bring a negative situation to me, my responsibility is to listen and encourage, but never to take take the problem as my own. I offer solutions, motivation, encouragement and support from a position of positivity. Anything else would be destructive to everyone involved and would bring negativity into my home.
So what do you value? Think of the life you’d like to build, and say no to whatever doesn’t fit in that vision. That includes opinions, people and situations.

Dream BIG, start small




I have a vivid imagination and can pretty much conjure anything up in this little mastermind of mine! Over the years I have had many HUGE dreams and aspirations, but have either been too scared or too overwhelmed to even attempt to achieve them. Yes, its sad, I know.
So now I’m at the point where I am ready to face my dreams head on, I want to share some tips on how to tackle your dreams. I'll keep it simple, because that's the key! Here we go:

3 top tips on How to overcome the dream jitters

Write down your goals clearly

Be as simple as possible and avoid a long list. I used to make a long list of New year resolutions with no clear plan of how to achieve them, I was setting myself up for failure. Nowadays I only have 3 big goals for the year maximum! I write these down along with a plan of how to achieve them.


Have a map

I was going to say plan, but I find that I need to be much more prescriptive than just “planning”. Living a purpose filled life is a journey, so having a map makes travelling the journey much easier! I have found that creating a clear map of EXACTLY how I plan to achieve my goal, with very specific steps, brings my plans to life. All of a sudden my goals become tangible. So be as specific as you can about each step, and watch your dreams come to life!

Start from where you are, work with what you got

It's so easy to be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work that has to be done, or overcome with fear at the prospect of actually achieving your dreams. The key is to start right where you are with whatever resources you have; that's the beauty of following a map! Take the step that you can take and reward yourself for it.

Bonus tip: Get support!

Surround yourself with people that are headed in the direction of your dreams. Go to networking events, get a mentor, get talking about your dreams on a daily basis. The more you talk about it, the more you keep it alive!
These are just some of the lessons I'm learning as I pursue the life I want. I hope I've encouraged you to stay on track or to pull up your socks and get to work!
So in the spirit of starting where we are, what is the first step in your journey? Starting this blog is mine. It wasn’t easy because I’ve had to be so open, but it’s been pivotal in getting my journey started. Comment below with yours and let’s discuss. :-)

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